Cage: I took the shot and missed
posted 2018-07-16 12:59:56

A dream job opened up for me a couple weeks back. I applied immediately. I tweaked my resume, website, references, and cover letter. I got a call less than a week later to schedule a phone interview. I did the phone interview and felt great about it. I received a call the very next day to schedule an in person. I printed all of my materials, prepped myself for days, wore my freshly dry cleaned suit and went to the in person interview. I felt great about it. We talked for over an hour about all aspects of the job, my work history and how I have many, many transferable skills that would be a great fit. We connected a professional level through shared colleges and clients. I left the interview feeling great and 100% expecting to be brought back for the final round of interviews. I knew after not hearing from them for 3 days I was not getting brought back. I followed up directly with the hiring VP....they were radio silent where in the past had been responsive. Sure enough on day 4 I got an automated email from their HR department that I was officially out. That fucking hurts dude.

Look...I am a realist. I know the competition for this gig would be stiff...it's that good of a job. So I didn't 100% expect to get it. But it still hurts as I saw so many things go away all at once when I got rejected.

The company is now 100% available to me as a potential employer. I highly doubt the VP that interviewed me would ever consider me for another position after rejecting me for one I am was incredibly well qualified for. This really stings because this company is one I admire greatly and have always dreamed about working for.

The position was the most qualified for a job I have ever been interviewed for. Talk about a shot to your ego.

The increase in salary would have been substantial enough to ease the financial burden my fiance and I have been under the last few months. It wouldn't be so drastic as to change our lifestyles....but we could have used the additional money to start to climb our way out debt and move forward in life.

Yup. Seeing all of those things go away really really hurt. Honestly...I cried a little bit. What did I do wrong? What happened? I must have severely fucked things up to not even warrant a second interview. My heart is broken.

    reply by runawaystar
    reply by LoudSilence
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LoudSilence:
posted 2018-07-15 23:20:39

Alright. That wasnt as fun as i thought it would be.
Medicaid told my dad he had too much mo ey to be covered. So he had 6500...and cant have more than 4000....i spent it all in one day. I tbought doing that would be marvelous. Nope. Just stressful. Walked into kholls like a boss and bought a 1500 motorized wheelchair for my dad....it looks like a racecar. And then a shopping spree for him. Ugh.

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miss misery:
posted 2018-07-15 08:10:08

It's been a long time since I was here. I don't even really have words for some of what's come to pass the last year. No, it's not all been bad. It's not been perfect. It's not been boring either.

Just in an odd place with work. The year pilot was epic fail on funders account, so licking my wounds of working relentlessly for no job security or continuation of the new career path. I worked to set us up. By my birthday (on my birthday!) the axe began to fall. A dozen exceptional and committed staff all at the expense of a shitty corperate decision.

Next year's the big 40. I'm trying to mentally prepare for this. I know there's things my younger self would be disappointed in when I look at my life, lack of children being about top of that list, but I just want to be feeling that I could be part way okay with where things are at. It's gonna need to be a big haul to get to that place where I can look as if from the outside and feel okay with all I am.

I have had some changing of the guard with our household line up. My little girl needed to be put out of pain and suffering at about 17. I miss her, but that grief was a long, gradual process with her too, not like Maxi. Niki was not able to do a lot with us, so we cared for her in the last years as almost a palliative patient.

I have a dear little-heart boy, Lenny, to help with Rexi. Lenny is a sweet little man who keeps me company from moment I walk in the door to moment I leave. We started dog school today. It's going to be different from taking Maxi in the old days, but Lenny needs time and diserves my time, so we just need to be patient.

I just need to find a way to afford my hubby, dogs, our life and a way to do what is necessary for my self care and health, but I struggle to make both work.

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The Dean:
posted 2018-07-14 14:54:10

This world has no shortage of pathetic losers who can't stand more successful people like me and President Trump. It's not our fucking fault that we constantly remind you of how badly you lost the game of life. Your own shitty life choices are the reason you are a fucking failure with nothing going for you. Most of the jealous assholes I see working min-wage jobs and living in squalor probably had a head start in life and blew it. Who's fucking fault is that? Not mine so don't get sour with me unless you want me to give you another reason to hate your sorry ass life.

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king M.E.: Bad bad not good
posted 2018-07-12 17:14:33

in a pretty dark place.

I said by the time I turn 35 iíll quit Facebook and stop watching tv and quit my job.

Might do it sooner...

Iíve isolated myself so much....
In rut, and barely have and desire to lift myself up



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Relorian: Another melancholy post
posted 2018-07-12 16:11:58

Depressions back with a vengence. After being held at Bay for so long with medication that helped it's finally found it's way back into the squirming mass that is my brain. It started with a med decrease to try another med months ago. Halved the dose by Drs orders. New med worked for helping aid in weight loss but the drop in amitriptyline sent me deep into depressions grasp. Advised doctor and restored the dose to previous level. Normally with it having been more than 2 months I should be feeling better. Usually o ly takes a week to restore levels in me. But here I sit, full dose 2 months after restore feeling like this world may be a better place if I were not a part of it. I've told my Dr that I am still experiencing deep depression and we've doubled my dose to see if that can pull me out of this never ending nosedive.

Of course with this has come self alenatio , keeping others as far away as possible. Making up bullshit excuses with my friends that I've had stuff scheduled with. I can't just say "nah man I'm not leaving bed today cause fuck it all".

Celebrated 10 years with Somer, that was an upper. Can't function sexually due to depression so it made me feel like a failure. Can't do things with Suzanne for the same reason. Hell can't even do things with myself. Just not in the right headspace to do anything.... Do t wanna hang.out with friends, dont wanna go out and do studd., Dont want to really go to work. The darkness that was my life premedication from the ancient past is now my current reality and I find myself asking how the fuck I managed to stay alive and not just end it.

And yet here I am, still trying to make it through life. Trying to figure out one day at a time why I exist and why am I here. It's sure as fuck not to do anything good or great. I'm 36, work a job I hate, buy too much shit I don't need just cause of the second of joy I feel hitting buy now before the regret of spending money kicks in. I'm never going to change the world, never going to be a senator or a president or even a man others count on. In the end I'll be nothing. Another name in the paper when I die, only those who once knew me personally giving a shit and then likely only for the stuff I leave behind.


This world sucks.

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runawaystar:
posted 2018-07-12 11:59:19

I now have a nice, comfy, secluded resting place where I can relax and hide out from everybody else. I could have used this spot 3-6 months ago.

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deletelife:
posted 2018-07-10 02:29:19

Rough day at work today.

My best friend lives hundreds of miles from me. He broke up with his gf so I haven't heard much from him. Going from talking every night to nothing is having a shitty affect on me. I don't have much of a human connection otherwise.

He's the type of guy who will subtlety, and sometimes not so subtlety call me out. So of course I retreat more and more from what I am. But somehow it makes me feel just a bit relieved. Maybe it's nice having someone see through my bullshit, I dunno.

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Gauntlet:
posted 2018-07-09 23:47:30

Having feelings of running again... Where would I go? I could just leave right now be in Ireland or France in less than a day. Tell no one, Jude leave a note and go.

    reply by sero
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sero:
posted 2018-07-03 10:56:46

Giving up the hoe life is hard work.

    reply by atrocious
       reply by sero
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