M.E. II: Don’t do it
posted 2024-06-20 02:46:35

Drunk AF!!!!! and trying like hell not to drunk dial one.

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posted 2024-06-19 02:04:00

Hey Guapillo,

If you find this I'm impressed. Now go turn around and stop reading this.

And if I'm near you, do you want a bj?

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posted 2024-06-16 16:24:55

confidential's thought of the day - father's day edition:

civilization flourishes under patriarchal structure and declines when it deviates from it. anybody who studies history knows this to be irrefutable.

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thewitch: Just hold me tight and tell me you'll...
posted 2024-06-16 00:30:56

...miss me.

On the drive out to the party, I asked for a sign that he is aware of our connection. And I asked for that sign to be for him to bring up his dreams with me.


Why am I so nervous? Is "nervous" even the right word? I barely ate yesterday, and I've barely eaten today. I've got this abundance of nervous energy. Last night I only slept five hours which is not normal for me. Although, it was long and deep enough to find him...


It feels like so much happened last night and yet, with such a subtlety that I could easily mistake it all for my imagination.

As soon as I arrived, our friend told me that my name was just mentioned by him. Interesting. I heard that a couple of times. It felt like my presence was a topic of conversation amongst certain, select people in the group. And he was at the center of all of it.

After wishing him a happy birthday, I gave him his gift. It was small, and meaningful, and I think he appreciated it. I'm glad I decided to get him something.

For the first few hours of the night, we played our typical game. The one where I chat with certain friends, and he chats with others, and somehow he manages to always position himself within my line of sight. Perhaps it was because I was 100% sober and my intuition and perception were heightened after the meditation, but it was so easy to notice how he made an effort to do that. It wasn't coincidence. And now I understood that it has never been coincidence. He has been doing this for years, and so intentionally. So any time I happened to look up or straight ahead instead of at the person I would be talking to, my gaze would naturally fall upon him. Brilliant.

Later on in the evening, my friend and I joined the group sitting around the bonfire. As she chatted about how in love she is with her new husband and how in love he is with her, she asked me if I knew how it felt to catch someone looking at you and feel your heart jump into your throat. I told her that I did. And, as I looked up, I caught him. Perfection.

The guitars came out, and the guy sitting on my other side began to play. As I sang quietly, he came over with his guitar and stood in front of me. They played together, and I sang, and they harmonized, and I have never before felt such a balanced and open throat chakra. Magical.

Between songs, I left to use the washroom, and as I returned, he had sat down by the fire and called me over to sit next to him. And there we remained for the rest of the evening.

It was the best conversation we have ever had. It felt deep and deliberate, honest and open, reciprocal and revealing. I learned more about him, and I let him in more than I normally would. And then, he mentioned his dreams. Specifically that his dreams have been really intense and vivid and full of messages lately. Well, for the past two months since the eclipse. He must have said the word "dreams" 4 or 5 times, and it felt like spirit was making sure that I got the message.

Oh yeah, I got it.

He told me about how he has started to play the guitar intuitively, like the music is being channelled, and how the silence between the notes actually feels more powerful than the notes themselves, and how he starts so slowly and lets the melody reveal itself. It sounded tantric and I wanted to say as much, but I held back. Instead, I said that I cannot wait to hear it when the time is right. And we talked about how we will collaborate to host a cacao ceremony with a guitar sound journey.

The whole night was beautiful.

And as people began to leave, I noticed how he only stood up and really embraced me. I didn't want to let go, and I could tell neither did he.

I cried on the drive home.

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posted 2024-05-31 13:39:29

The Modern Ten Commandments

1. Reject modern culture. Hate modern scum and screw them over as much as possible.

2. Support religions that reject modern culture.

3. Make good things. You will know that something is good if modern culture hates it.

4. Protect your children from modern culture. No internet, no government schools.

5. Develop critical thinking in your children. The game of Go is a good start.

6. Avoid politics. It is a waste of time.

7. When single, use prostitutes. Look for a wife outside the West. Avoid sluts.

8. Don't debate with people on the internet. They are hopeless morons, so debating them is a waste of time.

9. Don't eat things that weren't eaten 100 years ago.

10. Become Arkian.

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meep: Oh, the irony
posted 2024-04-18 21:53:28

No really. Why on earth would I be so stupid as to tell the universe that for a split second there, everything felt okay.

It's almost comical how quickly everything has come undone.

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s n a p s:
posted 2024-04-13 19:46:34

well how was your Friday night?

Last night I held pressure on an arm wound, squeezing two sides together in a sort of forbidden meat sandwich with subcutaneous fat threatening to leak out of it so that a resident could suture it. Before it was stitched back together again, Humpty Dumpty's muscles twitched in full view with each wiggle of his finger. I stood in the florescent brightness of the ER cubby, my feet moaning and my back whining, while the schizoaffective, homicidal, suicidal drunken manic offered his advice in an overall calm affect to the second year resident, and me, the old lady of the pod, wearing a partially torn sterile glove (just on the cuff it was okay).

I couldn't help it. When we first undressed the bandage the EMTS had placed, I told him his arm looked like a fancy steak I'd recently eaten on a cruise. He sort of laughed and my morbid dark er humor leaked out in a totally widely inappropriate manner but .. I think he forgot about it.

This same night I interviewed up on the isolated, protected upper floor of L/D. "are you sure you'd like it up here? we aren't as crazy".

Honestly I'm not so sure. I drove home today a buzz about whatever that pseudo surgery was. I do love women and babies but damn it I can never ever predict what will come in down in the trenches.

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la brava ragazza: Please don't keep me waiting, 'cause I'm...
posted 2024-04-10 19:07:53

...so tired.

"This can only go on for so long. Right?"

I wrote those words almost four years ago. And while, it's true, we're not in the exact same place, we're still not where I imagined we'd be.

It feels like decades have passed since then. And yet, it feels like time has stood still.

As of now, the ball is in his court, so to speak. It's the last ditch effort.

And man, if that kind of language isn't telling?

So. Let's see what happens. But I am so tired of waiting. I refuse to wait any longer. It's now or never.

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Gauntlet: Lost and scared
posted 2024-04-07 14:43:54

The pattern repeats itself until you learn the lesson. At least that's my hope. I have to hold onto that idea, cause at least then If I can solve the puzzle there's a way out.

The theory I'm coming up with right now, literally on the spot, is that I sacrifice every piece of myself I can to my relationships. My wife and I were very happy before having kids. We had our occasional hiccups, I still had problems with my depression and anxiety, but I was able to find my way out. I think I was more capable before having a child to take more time or space for myself. In the past I sacrificed parts of myself cause I was desperate to prove I was worthy, and if I wasn't hot enough, smart enough, rich enough, cool enough, at least I could mold myself into whatever else they may have needed to make it work. I could rescue them from their problems, I could put my needs aside and prioritize fixing their problems. I did this a lot, with a lot of different people. When my wife and I first got together, I was in a very healthy spot, I recognized these issues and had built up some confidence, and was comfortable enough being alone, I didn't NEED her, but I wanted her around. It's why we moved in togother, got engaged, it's why we got married, and ultimately it's a big reason why we felt comfortable having a child. During the pregnancy did everything I could to be a good husband and expectant father. After all she's carrying a damn child and sacrificing a lot to do that. So I sacrificed everything I could to help her any time I could. Then the labor came, and it was terrible, the whole experience just sucked so much. She was in pain, and scared and I just wanted to take it all away. Then our child came, if you aren't supposed to sacrifice yourself for girlfriends, surely you are supposed to for your child right? I did everything I could there too. My wife's anxiety was through the roof, she was scared and sleep deprived, this made her controlling and I did what I could to give her comfort. Besides what did I know about raising a baby? So I followed her directions in everything, I couldn't stand to see her so lost. It feels like it's been three and a half years of sacrifice. Of course there is plenty of food, but I'm here to vent the bad, or the difficult. For awhile it was not stop, I always felt like I was doing something wrong. They both always need something and I always give it to them.

Having a stay at home wife/mother has been far more difficult for me then I think having a sitter would've been. I spend all day at work and feel like she must be losing her mind at home trying to keep a toddler entertained, so I come home and I'm just stuck. I can't work around the house, I can't really relax, I can't go do anything I want to do. I used to go to the gym at 430 in the morning and I loved it. My wife wanted to go to the gym, if she works out at night it keeps her up, we can't both go to the gym, so I told her to go and I'd figure it out somehow. She goes Monday through Friday from 430 to 630, if I wake up I have to be quiet, I can't mess up our daughters sleep. I am basically stuck in our small ass room with my dog, who can be overly hyper and loud. Working out in the room is impossible, it's hard to get to my garage but that's been taken over by my daughters toys anyway, and leaving our dog alone means she just might decide to bark and wake up the baby. If I let her out back then she'll definitely bark and probably the whole time, and our babies room touches the back yard not to mention our dog barking at 4am isn't cool for the neighbors. So instead I stay up late on my phone and eat garbage. I'm probably 280lbs now, hell maybe even more. I feel old, I feel so much like shit. I look terrible, I don't have time or patience with my hair so I just wear a hat and never cut it. I'm embarrassed to get .y hair cut cause I find myself disgusting most of the time, and it feels like putting lipstick on a bulldog or whatever. Some part of my head thinks my barber will judge me for being fat and question why I even bother trying to make my hair look good.

All of this started because I've been having trouble desiring my wife sexually, or even romantically. I don't desire much sexually anyway, but I feel obligated to take care of her sexual needs but Im just so uninterested. We've had some problems with that in the past, so now it's like a tense thing in my head. When sex is brought up I get kind of tense and anxious. I don't feel like I can say no without there being a problem. When I do have desires it's always when our kid is up and around, so I can't act on them anyway.

I don't really know what to do, it feels a bit like a time bomb.

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hi, I'm the problem, it's M.E.: Weird flex
posted 2024-03-31 11:57:33

I have a weird bias against zendaya…
Years Ago I went to visit my then gf at her job and they wouldn’t let me in because zendaya was there. I had no idea she was there and people at her job thought I was there to see zendaya…zendays is not attractive. She’s very talented, but her face reminds me of those troll dolls and She’s like the last chick on euphoria I would bang. I would bang the trans chick and the fat dominatrix chick on Euphorbia waaaaay before I would bang zendaya.

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