the best of fschmidt:
posted 2017-11-21 17:23:49

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posted 2017-11-19 20:27:47

Repeat after me
You are free
Repeat after me
You are free

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posted 2017-11-17 23:48:33

well, the M. relationship has gone kind of cattywampus, we are taking a break at my instigation since she went hard on joining whatever the fuck it is AMWAY calls itself these days, and she asked for my contacts and I was like Nope...

so there was a potluck at work, and I was talking to the dignified old queen who is Dean of the nursing program about it it, and he's like "well, that's not her, that's just a part of her..." which was far less judgmental than I was expecting and, so, yeah.

I'm looking after another bird this week. I don't know why people ask me to bird sit, this is like the second time in three weeks. This time it's a dove- I call it the pigeon, because this bird is boring as hell. I don't like chickens, but they're chickens, they provide a meaningful service. This fucker just sits there.

also too, I'm not getting paid, because the owner is a basket case who theoretically left town to look at places to move into, and is having some extended quasi-medical emergency at her boyfriend's. She's young, isolated, has some money behind her, but is painfully naive.

....words as spoken by the man who drives to the next county over to feed her dove every day this week for free...

anyhow, while we shoulder the burden of the idiots amongst us, my grades suck. I am doing really poorly this semester. Has some sort of mental health component. As difficult as living with Peace was, I came home, she ignored me, I got to work. I took Saturdays back, ignored her, got to work. Living here with my parents, I'm left to my own devices, and that's never good.

Crap, evidently I need to ignore major emotional problems in order to succeed in life!

Just chewing up time doesn't work- I need to actively be running from something.

Right now, I'm actively running from filling out a journal on my clinical week, an activity so painfully dull it makes reading the textbook fun.

I also offered to take a girl out on a date Sunday, which was probably dumb, but will also be fun.

...which brings me back to M- we like talking and keep talking each other down from breaking up, and haven't been violent, and ... yah, I don't know that I know, but there comes a point when going through life affably clueless becomes a pose.

Then again, there is her retirement fantasy about getting one of those big luxury vans and touring, and how she won't bait her own hooks but loves fishing, and ...

huh, I don't know why, but there is something about the fantasy of travel that doesn't appeal to me. There's places I'd like to visit, but I don't expect it to change me.


...ugly jump.

so I get out of nursing lab yesterday, and go to 7-11 because I crave trash, and there's this guy who runs a solidly locally successful tree crew behind me in line. He's the father of one of my former students. Former student has just gotten married to some guy, and likes Jesus and America, and her Husband, too. She's sweet and quiet and not super verbal.

So her dad and the other old dudes who've been cutting up trees come in, and there is a line, and he's chatting up the 50 something black lady behind the counter (he's white, about 50, but on the youngish side), and asking what's the holdup? and she doesn't know. And he suggests he could discuss the holdup with her, but it would involve a ride in his truck. And if she takes a ride in his truck, whatever might happen in his truck might hurt, but only for a little while. And there's a Hummer outside, one of those H2 things they quit making when GM quit being stupid, and he says that's a mighty sweet hummer out there, and she says yep, and he says "can you hum for me"? and she's laughed at everything he's said up till then, but she politely says no on that one.

and that fucker has been under my skin for the last two days. This is why I'm not a big fan of William Faulkner.

I fear I'm failing labor and delivery / mother baby. I'm sucking at school very badly right now.

    reply by s n a p s
       reply by Epigenetic
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posted 2017-11-17 22:56:27

Almost two years ago my aunt left a pair of ratty ugg looking boots at my place. I repeatedly told her and my mom they were there, sitting under a side table in my living room, but they never coordinated a time to get them. My aunt visited twice since that time and forgot to take them with her. I talked to her monthly and she never seemed bothered by missing them. My mom was at my place weekly during the entire time and never asked about them.
I moved a month ago and finally chucked them into a “give away” pile and gave them to a local charity.
My mom called me just now and asked about the boots. Says my aunt wants them back and we can bring them for the holidays. I tell her I gave them away. She freaks out and says they were over $100 and super high quality and that she bought them for my aunt for Christmas all those years ago and she’s mad I didn’t tell her that I was giving them away. She wonders why I didn’t give her a heads up that I was getting rid of them since my aunt wanted them back. I explained that they sat at my place for two years and no one cared. She says thats my perception and she’s upset with me now for giving away expensive boots that belonged to someone else.

What the fuck?

    reply by M.e. 5000
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posted 2017-11-16 19:54:09

J's come back to Twitter. We stopped talking last year. It's been...emotional, to say the least? We didn't end on good terms.

I've muted her. I may unfollow her. How come nobody teaches you how to break up with friends? There are all of these little loose ends I have to account for, it's ridiculous.


My mother-in-law is coming tomorrow. Just fuck me.

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posted 2017-11-15 01:42:07

part of my timing for breaking up with teal almost three months ago was that he was planning to go out of town for a while. i didn't feel strongly enough about him to want to do a long-distance relationship thing.

he's been away since then. he's coming back this weekend. i assume at some point we'll hang out again as friends. i'll at least try it and see if that's fun.

still have more feelings about missing umber, a relationship that lasted about a year and ended two and half years ago.

probably i need to try something new.

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posted 2017-11-09 22:54:13

I really want to disappear forever.

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M.e. 5000: Almost there
posted 2017-11-06 20:25:26

No longer in collections.

Currently got my debt down to $6,300.

And I have left $5500 from the $ I pulled out my savings.

Kind want to just be debt free. But I know I should save the $5k. And pay off the rest overtime.

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corgan: under pressure
posted 2017-11-06 11:45:55

slowly the management staff is getting a clue... really making an effort to get the front of house staff up to speed. i'm still regularly frustrated and see plenty of room for improvement. two different managers told me they'd like a list of my notes and thoughts about how the foh can improve and the list is written... but i hesitate to send. i just do. i know that once they read this list they will really know whats going on in my head.

the busy weekend has come and gone, and i did send the email. i looked over it about 70 times and i definitely prefaced much of what i said in order to pad my words... i addressed many service issues within FOH power. smoking whenever you want, setting trays on tables, where to put rags... all the dirty details. i insisted that we can run with fewer servers if only we upped our efficiency. all these people keep mentioning working at these high end steak houses but none of them are willing to hold their own employees to strict standards. what has made them feel righteous in this lack of willingness to instill discipline? maybe because we hired a pack of idiots, for one. but then past that... the little details are not being addressed past our pre shift meetings. we get told to do certain things before service but managers stand at the host stand or the bar or they are no where to be found throughout service. i told them to touch tables more. i told them to hold us accountable for things. i told them to quiz us, secret shop us, whatever it takes to get our staff in line and doing shit the right way.

i keep getting excuses for why people took the lazy route. theres no excuse. just do it the right way. if you do it the wrong way (we are all human) OWN IT AND APOLOGIZE AND WORK TO LET IT NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. dont deny and deflect, it makes you look like an asshole.

ive realized i'm on average a handful of years older than most people on staff. i've realized i'm here to lead them. the day i send the 4 page email to managers i walked into the last 3 minutes of pre shift to hear my exact written words being spoken with command by the lead FOH manager.

I've realized they're listening.

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s n a p s:
posted 2017-11-04 09:38:02

I remember Fern Gully as a movie about trees and a pretty fairy that saves them. I never owned it as a kid, but one one of my friends did and we’d watch it often together. It was odd, looking back, in that at my house the only movies we owned were The Disney ones and this friend of mine owned a whole mess of other animated movies and I remember even then silently judging her taste. Like I could tell they weren’t as good, cinematically.

But I always sorta like Fern Gully because the fairy was pretty and I had the hots for the blond human guy.

Anyway this morning the middle child isn’t feeling good and on those occasions she just wants to snuggle and watch tv so when I saw FG as an option on the Netflix I thought, oh, she’ll love this !

They all did, but I’m pretty disappointed. Krista is a rip off of Tinkerbell and Ariel, there’s a fat white male fairy that looks exactly like the Sultan from Aladdin, and the blonde animated hottie is basically Prince Eric in a wig. I was surprised to hear Robin Williams voice as some sort of bat though.

My oldest boy is pretty enchanted with Krista and I can’t decide if it’s because she’s half nude or if it’s because he wants to pretend to be a fairy. Which is a whole other story.

    reply by Epigenetic
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