s n a p s: nostalgia
posted 2019-10-19 17:50:45

So, a couple of weeks ago, I was studying in the library, and old habits die super hard. I distracted myself on HL, a muscle memory dating back to '01 or earlier (I can't really remember when I first joined, my oldest saved journal is from 2002 but I know I was on HL before then too), and I reread the forums here, went back at looked at my old journals from the past. I have all of them saved in my email, which is actually an amazing thing, when I really think of it.

Anyway, it made me really chuckle to read people saying things about how "Myspace has taken over" and especially the pleas to see each other's pictures. Like, remember when putting a photo online was really tedious and hard? I had like one photo I must have scanned that I used for like 2 years whenever anyone wanted to see a picture of me. I remember when HL felt like a potential oversharing debacle, and now everyone puts everything online. I don't feel being "discovered" on here anymore because a) people don't read anymore and b) it's all out there on the interwebs anyway.

It was also the first time I reread entries from 2015, the year I had my daughter, the year my marriage fell apart etc. Man. Those are some rough, raw entries. I'm going on nearly as much time passing since those moments in my marriage (almost 5 years) and that's how long we'd been married when it all happened (it happened around our 5th anniversary). I came home and was really bitchy and sad to my husband. I didn't tell him why. I was literally melancholy for several days. It's like my brain blocked off all that shit. I've never forgotten, but I'd reallllyyy numbed myself to the feelings from back then.

I'm better now. The wound is healed up again, now I just have an ugly scar that I barely even notice unless I'm forced to.

But, I know people are barely on here anymore. Idk that is, millions of reasons, the old guard is all grown up for the most part, but I'm really happy that this place exists and that I have it to document my life, in a real way.

    reply by s n a p s
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posted 2019-10-17 02:22:11

i now have a girlfriend along with having a boyfriend (separately from each other). this is what i wanted, and it is good.

they are both very good.

    reply by M.e.
       reply by caterpillar
    reply by s n a p s
       reply by s n a p s
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existential crisis:
posted 2019-10-16 14:26:55

Saw this somewhere and it perfectly sums up my brain, I couldn't have phrased it any better:

"I am constantly analyzing everything around me unintentionally, and not in the way you think of. I mean... super in-depth meticulously detailed. When I see a sign on a building pass by on the train, I'm analyzing all the damages on it, the rust, the scratches, what caused the scratches, how the scratches were created in slow details, how the two objects interacted on a molecular level and the damages to the foreign object, how it might be repaired, how much it would cost to repair it, how much it would cost to make a new one, how a new sign might be manufactured, and then probably inventing some new way to quickly manufacture the sign or repair the scratches. All of this and more in the space of half a second as the sign passes by the window."

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thedreamer: 2003 Called...
posted 2019-10-15 22:46:30

thedreamer (2019-10-15 22:41:32)
M.e. (2019-10-15 15:29:56)
.sero (2019-10-15 13:25:45)
The Dean (2019-10-14 20:23:03)

heh now where's Unwanted?

    reply by beautifulagony
       reply by M.e.
    reply by M.e.
       reply by thedreamer
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M.e.: Groundhogs day
posted 2019-10-15 15:29:56

Got into it twice with a coworker. Everybody makes fun of him, heís a nice guy but he can be annoying as shit. He says the same shit every morning like a fucking robot. If life isnít a simulation he definitely is one.

Anyway he fucked up royally last week, thinking he did a good job after there was an outage for 4 fucking hours before he did shit about it. I tried to explain to him thatís a bad thing and he shouldíve been caught that within the first hour with different ways to monitor shit going forward and it was like talking to a wall, plus he interrupts a lot. I pretty much said fine do what you want, fuck up again, get fired, knock yourself out.

Another coworker (White) tells him Iím right and he apologizes.

Similar shit today. Thereís unresolved shit and I tell him he needs to escalate that. He Argues that doing NOTHING is the right course of action....white coworker comes in agrees with me and he tries to apologize. I say whatever.

I ainít telling him shit anymore. The other coworkers on his shift always say he doesnít listen but Theyíre assholes so I gave groundhog the benefit of the doubt...well they were right. Heís a prime example of an older person who thinks they know everything. I never want to be that guy.

And itís fucking bizarre how you tell him shit and his response is like your words hit his brain and repurposes it to fit his view of things. Makes you question your fucking sanity.

Iím done with that guy.

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posted 2019-10-15 13:25:45

Totally consumed with the revenge fantasy stage after getting screwed over by my former employer.

Two weeks ago I had a heated discussion with my supervisors golden employee because she was taking my work when I wasnít around and passing it off as her own. I told her I wasnít sure what kind of relationship she had with our boss that she felt it was appropriate to do that but that I wasnít ok with it and Iíd like it to stop. She got all emotional and tried to hug me and I told her I wasnít comfortable with that and left.

Last Friday, with no warning whatsoever, my boss handed me my check and told me to leave. That I suddenly ďwasnít meeting expectations anymore and it was unfortunate things have to end this way.Ē He wouldnít clarify, said it was ďagainst policy to give detailsĒ. And that was it.

Technically I was a contract employee (they hate shelling out money for insurance so many of their employees are 1099) so I have no recourse. Iím just suddenly unemployed after two years.

My co-workers were horrified and texted me like crazy, raging against my idiot boss and the golden girl. Theyíve all offered to be references and took me out to lunch. Clearly it wasnít me being a shitty employee that caused this to happen, and that makes it so much harder to stomach.

Itís only been a few days but Iím trying to be positive and focus on my options and my therapist was super supportive and the boyfriend is amazing and Iím sure things will work out.

It just kinda all sucks right now.

    reply by M.e.
    reply by thedreamer
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The Dean:
posted 2019-10-14 20:23:03

My tombstone will be a large phallus so that my Big Dick Energy is present long after I die.

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posted 2019-10-14 11:58:43

Went out to dinner with my partner, A, and my old friend H, who i have mentioned like decades ago on this space. H brought along his father. I like his dad a lot. He's in his 70s, proffessional blacksmith, AT hiker, and among the most chill people you'll ever meet.

We had a good evening. H was a bit tired and on edge, he teaches HS spanish in a huge diverse mega high school, and it's monday morning.

Today my objectives are: schedule therapist appointment (ugg), do some woodworking, and work on a nursing continuing study thing.

I'm a fucking RN, so good lord only knows what my schedule will be.

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la brava ragazza: Trippiní off the love, and faded...
posted 2019-10-12 21:37:58

...off the fuckiní.

Where to even begin?

I took the bff out for her bday dinner. And she said she wanted to clear the air, but itís still foggy as fuck. After spewing off a bunch of stuff she said she had one small little thing left. And then she couldnít even continue the conversation because she started crying. Throughout the entire night I felt like an observer. Like I am no longer a willing participant in our friendship.

I canít trust her and I am fed up with her narcissistic bullshit. Being her friend is impossible. She doesnít want a friend. She wants someone to agree with her every thought and indulge her demands. Like, yes, I am submissive, but not to her.

I left it as is though because it was her bday dinner. What happens now, is something else altogether. Iím no longer catering to her fucked up idea of what my life and our Ďfriendshipí should be. No more.

Speaking of dysfunction, I am having dinner with my youngest brother and our mother tomorrow. I have barely spoken to her in over two years. But the Maestro has been suggesting that I make some kind of amends and it was Yom Kippur, so perhaps now is the right time.

The thing is, he doesnít know our whole history. But he is also an orphan, so I get that he has a wholly different perspective.

Regardless of how it all goes, I know he will be there for me.

And hopefully next week certain things will happen and he will literally be there for me more often.

I trust him, but I am not holding my breath.

Besides, thatís his job.

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posted 2019-10-05 05:15:27

Welp. I have officially hit the first day of hating my job and being miserable.
I have a new boss....i loved working with this person before.....they arent horrible as a boss either. But I had a meeting with them in which i thought was moreso to touch base with what i have going on and the details of my team. Nope. It was about how I sent out an email to certain people that i felt would be a great part of the workplace event team. The team that gets everyone to engage, have fun, etc. Apparently my old boss felt i was overstepping (bc they completely failed at doing anything they said they would do with it). Im a part of this team.
Thats all they wanted to address. And we'll, im pissed. Advised me that I cant distract myself with things that have nothing to do with my job. Apparently that interprets that i am not focused on my own tasks.
I told them if I get thus every tine i tried t9 do something a little extra to have some positive fun and get my own team and others engaged...then maybe this isnt the job for me. And i was dead serious.

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