posted 2019-03-24 12:07:15

Just had the most realistic dream about my ex.

Probably due to the fact that he recently friend requested me on Facebook again. This time I did accept it. Had a conversation about how my dog is doing. Didn't ask about my other dog that passed though... Which leads me to believe that maybe he's been checking in on me.

I was also briefly talking about him to a friend Friday night.

It was kind of a sex dream...or rather an affair dream as I was married in the dream as well. B was in the dream while I was with him as well. Super weird. It pretty much ended with him saying he wanted me back and me saying you fucked up.

I went to Facebook to reread my convos with him and I'm reminded why it didn't work.

Plus he has not aged well in 7 years. His eyes look weird.

Ah, well...onwards and upwards!

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posted 2019-03-23 22:02:25


No words but I'll be ok.

    reply by take on m.e.
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posted 2019-03-23 14:28:45

Currently preparing myself for one final week of maximized overtime hours. Once April begins and the weather gets nicer (okay, that probably won't happen until May!) I'll be pursuing more of a work/life balance that I haven't enjoyed all year!

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Take On M.E.: DRAMA
posted 2019-03-22 15:19:02

Just saw my exesí coworker on tinder that I would totally smash. I know sheís attracted to me, but her life is DRAMA!

And Iíd be pissed if my ex fucked or dated any of my friends/coworkers so Iím a go head and swipe left

    reply by beautifulagony
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The Dean:
posted 2019-03-14 20:16:06

Trump 2016: Make America Great Again
Trump 2020: Making America Great Again

You read it here first.

My life can only be described as great. I retired before my 40th birthday. I live off interest and royalties. I am constantly visiting exotic locales and fucking exotic women. Me and my co-star daughter are becoming Instafamous. Even Nicole started following me. She is a supermodel and yes we are fucking.

First-class flight to Doha this weekend. Life is good.

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posted 2019-03-14 12:02:40

Yesterday I felt a lot better. There seems to be a correlation between eating yogurt and mentally feeling good. I signed up for a gym that is closer to my house and did some cardio last night and this morning. I'm trying not to rush into extreme dieting but my gut is so huge and uncomfortable right now it's difficult not to think about all the time. I'm feeling a bit stressed with work as well. This morning I was driving to a job and realized my work truck needed fuel, I pulled into a gas station and realized I left my wallet in my personal vehicle, I really wanted to get to this job and get started so I figured I would just get there and ask my step dad/business partner to bring my wallet to me later in the day, I continued on and got most of the way to the job and called him, he told me to meet him at a gas station and now I'm just sitting here waiting for him. It would've been much quicker and easier if i had just turned around instead and headed back to the shop and grabbed my damn wallet. It's not really a big deal, and now that I'm writing it out I'm calming down internally, but still, I have a lot to get done and I don't want to waste time/waste my motivation.

Back on prozac, day six I think, we will see what my doc thinks about it tomorrow, I made the choice on my own. Wait, this has to be day 7. Anyway. Got a big chunk of change back from my taxes this morning, instantly put that towards my debt, paid off maybe 12% of my debt and that's pretty cool. Once I get my school loans and this personal loan paid off I'll have an extra $766 a month not going out. This will take another two years possibly. That's disheartening but I try not to focus on it too much.

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posted 2019-03-13 14:05:26

today i am filled with anger as i missed a tutoring session, again, because i can't do anything right. I'm supposed to start preceptorship tomorrow, and i may not be able to go based on weither or not my exam grade is high enough.

I'm scared.

I also got a job offer from a major health center, but it's contingent on me doing things like "graduating" and "passing exams".


one of my podmates made me a really amazing tuna melt yesterday, and i'm going to try and focus on the bliss of that memory.

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monkeys: Friendships lost.
posted 2019-03-12 01:12:45

I tried helping a friend of mine with math. She lives near the Canadian border, and I see her once a year. I like her a lot. I succeeded in helping her at the end of it all, but I think I ended up pissing her off in the process. It took me two hours to figure out how to explain trigonometrical concepts in words. Eventually, she was like -- "S, I just want to know how to do the problem, not how to do math!" and I'm thinking, lady, you're ... learning ... math? I mean, I wish you weren't, and you wish you weren't, but here we are, and it's math.

Remembering old math is weird. I studied math in college. I minored in it. I also haven't set eyes on anything relating to trig in over a decade. It's just not an essential life skill. My brain -- and my memories of Ms. D's dank geometry class -- had atrophied.

Granted, I was also fucked up on drugs from an insane dental procedure, so maybe that had some impact on my helpfulness.

That's how I spent today being paranoid that I damaged yet another friendship. My friend (Z, we can call her) spent an awful lot of time telling me that I wasn't helping her, and finally, when Z did figure out how to reach a correct answer, I think she was so disgusted with math she didn't want anything to do with ME either on principle, and the stress of that was way too much. At least I'm fairly sure she's not going to ask me for help again.


I lost a friend a few days ago. I'll call her Ari. I might have referred to her as something else in the past, but I've forgotten, so, Ari for now.

Ari is an oil heiress and a former neighbor of mine when I had my bachelorette pad in School City. (Those blissful three years when I was technically single but also kinda enjoying my life.) I didn't know about the oil money until I was deep into the friendship. We used to hang out in the City. I brought her to K's place in Third City, which is where we now live.

She was a fun activity partner -- and I made the mistake of introducing her to many of my friends -- but I saw flashes of something here and there: her ex almost put out a restraining order, accusing her of stalking him, all of her roommates were "psychos", which meant that she came to stay with me, rent free for six months, in the suburban town in which I grew up. I lived in a small house there, definitely too cozy for three people. I helped take care of my father, who was slowly losing all of his abilities, and during his excruciating decline I also had to take care of her because she was a bottomless pit of rage and emotion. Eventually, because she kept getting fired from her jobs, she couldn't get the authorization to stay in this country anymore. She went back to Britain, where she's a citizen.

I had been pulling a slow fade on her in the almost two years since then, but then she aggressively came out me out of nowhere in response to a text I'd sent her asking if she wanted her stuff back. She refused to send me her address, but taunted me with her request. I mean, what was I supposed to do, hire a private investigator to find her?

She texted to say that she was upset that I hadn't told her of my father's passing. Then, she commented on the money that I must have after I made a passing comment about working out at the gym. (She comes from hundreds of millions, to be clear.) Finally, she told me she was married, and when I asked to see pictures, she told me that I must think she was a liar and then ... demanded an Amazon gift card.

Obviously I wasn't going to send her one. I asked for pictures again to see what she'd say and then she decided I wasn't worth the trouble. "Don't bother contacting me again," she said. That whole conversation took about five minutes. We've now blocked each other on social media. She's still friends with my brother, though.

And I have piles and piles of her shit in my house. Goddamnit.


And then there was the friend who lived with the much older child molester. He was making it impossible for her to leave, so she called the FBI on him. He was arrested for possession of child pornography. She vanished, blocking everyone she knew IRL.

She was a close friend of mine.
That kind of hurts.

    reply by Epigenetic
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posted 2019-03-08 00:45:26

i'm still dating queer guy, and it's going...well, i think? i guess cyan is a good enough name for him.

i never ended up reaching out to my woman friend who liked me on the dating site, because i still don't know what kind of relationship cyan and i have.

i asked him what kind of thing we're doing, and he sort of said he wasn't sure yet what he was looking for, because other things changed in his life recently (that i know about).

ok cool, but like, we've been dating for more than a month and we're really into each other. he's met a bunch of my friends at various events. it looks like we're in a relationship, might as well just admit it and get that part over with.

    reply by monkeys
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Cryo: Itís been 3 years
posted 2019-03-02 21:15:17

Itís 2:07 AM. My brain somehow just remembered this website when I was trying to sleep and now i am here typing. I donít know how to react. Iím laughing right now looking back on my younger self. I still see familiar names which I remember years ago still posting which iím shocked but glad. Itís so weird being on here again. I wish i stuck to journaling because it did help. I have matured so much since I last came in here. I am now in college trying to make something out of my life. I am good and healthy which is all that matters though. Iím even surprised I remember my password to this lol.

I will probably never come back here again unless I get this sudden rememberance of this website which iím trying to figure out how this memory came back into my brain lol. If you see this then hi. I wonder if anyone remembers me but probably not as my active time on here was short lived. Reply if you do please haha

Going to sleep now, you will be surprised what your brain can keep in store. Stay healthy and safe,

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