good girl: Now my soul beats a sound loud enough...
posted 2017-07-24 12:46:09 quiet the thunder.

Gosh, it's been a while since I've been here. I have a new app on my phone called 'Grid Diary' and I write in that every night. It's more of a way to monitor my daily devotions to DL. Anyway, perhaps that is why I've neglected this place.

Also, I've been traveling quite a bit. Which, frankly, has exhausted me.

And so much of my time is now dedicated to tasks or improving myself or devotion. I love it. I'm deliriously happy. He has opened me up in ways I never thought possible.

This is what I've been searching for. He is who I've been needing to serve and love and be for. It's so obvious.

And, dare I say, I think I might be the good girl He's been trying to find.

Every day I will give Him more. He will challenge me in ways that I've always needed from someone. I understand so much now, yet I know I still have so much more to learn, so much more that He will teach me. Training has never before felt so complete or meticulously planned. I am in awe of His brilliance. And He inspires me to be my best for Him. Simply because I know He exists.

He is my Master.

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posted 2017-07-23 23:59:50

There's a professor at the architecture department at community college that is for lack of a better word a douchebag.

He hates me and says the I am overwhelmed with the knowledge I have from undergrad. He ruined the chance for students to get study materials and take the lead exam for free and got a professor fired.

Worst of all he claimed to have a master's degree in landscape architecture. Turns out he lied about that. But the department protected him.

So I want revenge not just on what he has done and for giving my homegirl a D in a class but fuck it I'm petty. I honestly will get a Master's just to take his job away.

And the thing about it too the classes I am taking won't count for shit. He can't un-teach what he is teaching me since I am paying him.

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posted 2017-07-23 22:19:06

yesterday was one of the most enjoyable, emotionally and physically blissful, hedonistic days of my life.

And I had two separate randos ask me out. Weird. Awkward. One of them is a medical professional PA I met at a baby shower, the other is a larger poly woman who hosts a lot of parties. Awkwardly I spent the day at the beach by the river, making out in the bathwater warm water with M, who is rapidly becoming a very intense romantic interest.

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Gauntlet: Things and stuff.
posted 2017-07-22 22:37:04

Puppies are doing great, I love them both. My cat mikey is chill too, glad to have him back around. I've been aiming myself in a good direction recently, again.

Weight: 186.8 this morning shortly after waking up.
Mood: overall this last week was pretty good
Haven't smoked in almost a month (since june 28th) thats close to $300 savings.
I'm in the beginning stages of paying debt off, starting savings, and correcting poor spending habits. I have spread out my savings and investments in a few different places and will slowly add small amounts until my debt is paid, once my debt fucks off, all the payments I'm making will revert to payments to different savings accounts, last time i went down this road i was saving $300 monthly, this time im shooting for $1000 put into savings/retirement/other investments

Got two zero fee, zero apr balance transfer cards, should be able to shuffle around $9500 of various debt that direction, which will save me close to $75 interest every month, which in turn will help me pay this shit off quicker :)

Anyway, the hope is to release myself of the bodage of debt that i was foolish enough to fall back into.

Even with all this progress and positivity, today has been a strange day. I have felt slow and tired, still took the dog for a walk and still got down on some cardio, but i tried lifting and i couldnt make myself really get into it. I think I'm overly obsessing on this financial improvement and weight loss. I need to chill the fuck out and have some patience. I'm gonna medidate and go lift some weights with the girly, even if its shit, at least that might distract me.

Love you hatelife, adios.

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posted 2017-07-21 05:06:29

A CEO, a Tea Party member, and someone on public assistance sit at a table, with 100 cookies on a plate. The CEO grabs 99 cookies and tells the Tea Party member, "You better watch that other guy. He wants your cookie."

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a lesser god:
posted 2017-07-20 19:36:13

So much to tell you hatelife but I only think of you when I have too much to do.

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waterproof: Best summer ever?
posted 2017-07-20 14:46:33

Mild weather
No mosquitoes yet
Plenty of rain
Dug dry well
Made a hill
Grass seed in July
Gymnastics bar to the playset
Successful hive split
New roof cooled off the kids' rooms substantially
Camping twice
Daughter swimming on her own
Biking across Iowa
Mini van
Only 2 kids... for now!

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A Young Thousand:
posted 2017-07-20 00:17:46

I'm 29 now.

Considering self-improvement while finishing the third beer. Personal fitness seems like a fucking joke at this point. Maybe I'll quit smoking, again. Again.

These days I'm waiting to hear back from my last interview. I have it, at least I think I do, and it's just a matter of time. I want out of this job so bad - I check my email 5+ times a day. Soon.

Looking at an entry from last year: I never did get that recall on my car taken car of. The passenger air-bag could deploy and throw shrapnel on my loved one(s). Yet, I haven't done a thing. At this point I'm paralyzed by the general shame, and more than a slight hope that one of those metal shard might pierce my brain. I wish I could say I'll get it fixed tomorrow, or even this week.

Coming back and writing here seems more pointless every time. As much as I appreciate the grey and slightly-darker-grey, what good does it really do me?


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The Dean:
posted 2017-07-19 16:45:09

Girlfriend: "I hate always being right."

Me: "I know you hate being right because you're usually wrong!"

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posted 2017-07-16 15:58:14

I have been house shopping for the past 2 weeks. I found one on my own the other day as it hit the database, before my realtor, hah. We went and viewed it and holy cow, I fell in love. Now to enter the fight of doom with this owner and make him accept my offer!

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