no one ever thinks of you. not like I do...not even you
posted 2020-03-26 09:31:44

Here we go. Are you ready? I am so fucking drunk and to be honest, it is a great feeling. To drop this filter? To say all these things I know I would regret otherwise? Fuck it, why not.

So ok...i am racing the clock between blackout and responsible adult. Which one passes out is some random shit.

I wanna fuck you. I wanna fuck you so bad that some days I just can't stand it. I ache for it. I am nearly certain I feel you inside me by sheer will alone. I want you to use me, to work out all the demons, to be whatever you need me to be. I am known for my flexibility. Wink wink.

I try to find 48-hour breaks that I can sneak away, or 36-hour windows and what we could possibly accomplish in that time. And I swear to Christ the universe screams no fucking way. There was an opportunity to be unsupervised for a weekend. It was perfect..then the bottom fell out. Then I wanted to take my first vacation and sneak away on a photo opportunity. But the house ended up having to be condemned, and we moved out which took the whole week. I dont think I told you I was on vacation that week because I didn't want to upset you or hurt your feelings by trying to throw a random problem with no immediate solution at you. I know that last line doesn't make things sound easy to deal with. As is this illness...

There is another vacation in April, I was trying to work something out there. The schools aren't even allowed to open until May. I worked in Kentucky and was going to 'stay and work the weekend' and hang out a day or two. The alignment on my car made it very evident that I will not be driving anywhere long distance until that is fixed. Sigh. We talked about a date night, like watch a movie while we talk shit on the phone...and two days later the other half lost his job. I've not had the universe fight so hard against me, I swear....

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