posted 2017-05-13 17:37:17
so, my young diver loves me, is in love with me, adores me, is crazy about me.
i went out last night ended up with silver fox. went to his place. at 3 am young diver went by my house to surprise me - only to discover i wasn't there. it hurt him. he knew where i likely was; and when he messaged, i didn't lie - because i don't.
his sadness was because he'd been purposefully dedicating more and more time to our relationship. he's over quite frequently. he's the sweetest, most gentle, and perfect thing ever. i keep a protective barrier - which includes dilution. remember the old saying "the cure to pollution is dilution" - yeah, i don't know how accurate that is; but it's kind of how i protect my heart. dilute the relationships enough; spread them just thin enough; maintain just enough distractions that if something happens - the loss seems less. the hurt is vague instead of acute pain.
i said i loved him too. and i do, but i love me more. i probably need to explain that to him.
i just don't want to see the pity in his eyes...because that's how they look at you, those people that feel things.
damn those people that feel things.