little hell
posted 2021-09-14 20:30:36

ďAlone but never lonely. My alone feels so good, Iíll only have you if youíre sweeter than my solitude.Ē

I used to live by that, I could NOT have enough alone time. Now, Iím always alone. Itís really starting to burn. I go days in a row without speaking to another human being and I worry that my brain may be turning to scrambled eggs. The more time I spend away from humans, the harder it is to function normally- going to work, responding to calls/texts, communicating with my boyfriend & son. Iíve just been hurt so much that I canít begin to imagine putting myself back out there to make friends. I canít even picture myself with friends. I do have one best friend- but she moved to Arkansas about a year ago, and while we talk daily, itís always only sweet little pleasantries, not our raw, real, sometimes disgustingly close friendship. I have to stay stoned, a good 75% of the time, to make it through. I used to be so bubbly, happy, full of life. Now I just exist, taking up valuable space & oxygen.

I wish I could figure it alllllll out.

to hatelife to journal