posted 2021-02-12 08:32:21

How is it that we've been trying to get pregnant but when it happens it's just a ball of stress for us both? why do I feel wholely unprepared? why are there so many doubts and uncertainties? how the fuck to people pay for childcare?

Found out five days ago we were expecting. On the day my wife was meant to meet with a potential threesome partner for brunch. Covid interrupted her brunch date so we went together instead, she had been a couple days late on her period but with some cramping that made her think it was right around the corner. Eventually she told me she wanted to buy a pregnancy test, i was basically certain at that point she was pregnant. We hit the store to buy a test and we're all set to run more errands, instead i insisted we go home and pee on the stick to get it out of the way. The two minutes was over in a flash, i look at the stick and see a plus.. She hadn't looked at the directions and was in disbelief for aoment, plus they put a second line next to the lines that tell you if you are indeed pregnant or not, which is just weird and confusing. We hugged, and then almost instantly it was like we went into shock.

There are so many things we want to do and child is going to make that much more difficult. I know it will be rewarding and all that, but for now I'm just scared of the future. Once the ball starts rolling maybe I'll feel a little less anxious.

A possible truth is that I've been trying really hard to get to some kind of financial independence, a spot where my job isn't the most important thing and one where i have more freedom to choose what i will do with my time. A way to get out of this stressball of a relationship with my partner/step father. I don't have many options it seems, but maybe I'm just too afraid to seriously look for them. A baby makes me feel like I'm more cemented in place with my current path. perhaps that's not true, but it feels true right now.

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