posted 2017-11-17 23:48:33

well, the M. relationship has gone kind of cattywampus, we are taking a break at my instigation since she went hard on joining whatever the fuck it is AMWAY calls itself these days, and she asked for my contacts and I was like Nope...

so there was a potluck at work, and I was talking to the dignified old queen who is Dean of the nursing program about it it, and he's like "well, that's not her, that's just a part of her..." which was far less judgmental than I was expecting and, so, yeah.

I'm looking after another bird this week. I don't know why people ask me to bird sit, this is like the second time in three weeks. This time it's a dove- I call it the pigeon, because this bird is boring as hell. I don't like chickens, but they're chickens, they provide a meaningful service. This fucker just sits there.

also too, I'm not getting paid, because the owner is a basket case who theoretically left town to look at places to move into, and is having some extended quasi-medical emergency at her boyfriend's. She's young, isolated, has some money behind her, but is painfully naive.

....words as spoken by the man who drives to the next county over to feed her dove every day this week for free...


anyhow, while we shoulder the burden of the idiots amongst us, my grades suck. I am doing really poorly this semester. Has some sort of mental health component. As difficult as living with Peace was, I came home, she ignored me, I got to work. I took Saturdays back, ignored her, got to work. Living here with my parents, I'm left to my own devices, and that's never good.

Crap, evidently I need to ignore major emotional problems in order to succeed in life!

Just chewing up time doesn't work- I need to actively be running from something.


Right now, I'm actively running from filling out a journal on my clinical week, an activity so painfully dull it makes reading the textbook fun.

I also offered to take a girl out on a date Sunday, which was probably dumb, but will also be fun.

...which brings me back to M- we like talking and keep talking each other down from breaking up, and haven't been violent, and ... yah, I don't know that I know, but there comes a point when going through life affably clueless becomes a pose.

Then again, there is her retirement fantasy about getting one of those big luxury vans and touring, and how she won't bait her own hooks but loves fishing, and ...

huh, I don't know why, but there is something about the fantasy of travel that doesn't appeal to me. There's places I'd like to visit, but I don't expect it to change me.

///////////////

...ugly jump.

so I get out of nursing lab yesterday, and go to 7-11 because I crave trash, and there's this guy who runs a solidly locally successful tree crew behind me in line. He's the father of one of my former students. Former student has just gotten married to some guy, and likes Jesus and America, and her Husband, too. She's sweet and quiet and not super verbal.

So her dad and the other old dudes who've been cutting up trees come in, and there is a line, and he's chatting up the 50 something black lady behind the counter (he's white, about 50, but on the youngish side), and asking what's the holdup? and she doesn't know. And he suggests he could discuss the holdup with her, but it would involve a ride in his truck. And if she takes a ride in his truck, whatever might happen in his truck might hurt, but only for a little while. And there's a Hummer outside, one of those H2 things they quit making when GM quit being stupid, and he says that's a mighty sweet hummer out there, and she says yep, and he says "can you hum for me"? and she's laughed at everything he's said up till then, but she politely says no on that one.

and that fucker has been under my skin for the last two days. This is why I'm not a big fan of William Faulkner.


I fear I'm failing labor and delivery / mother baby. I'm sucking at school very badly right now.