posted 2021-11-17 08:18:16

I haven't written.

Nana died in August. I've got by, but something in me is broken up a bit.

We finally did the funeral. It hopefully bought some peace to Mum or the relatives.

I've had some pretty lonely moments.

The wake was a total awful experience. No memories and laughs but a lot of awkward conversation. I really actually need my cousin, but I have no right to ask more of his time. It's just so much emotional effort for a short hour. But it put things right for her and Mum,I hope. And she does diserve a tribute, but what now?

We've all splintered off, the cousins and our family. It feels like there is no shared, common force to hold us and give me security I will see my best cousin again.

Now it's just us.

By absolute grace of God, my nephew has some of our sensitivity. This is possibly, on my worst day,the thing that stands between me having walked this earth without having madean impression in the years I'm given and having someone to tell my story, or parts out.

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